


Echoes in the Library

by luinel (geekns)



Series: Echoes [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Episode Addition, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-18
Updated: 2010-02-18
Packaged: 2018-12-25 14:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12037680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekns/pseuds/luinel
Summary: Missing Forest of the Dead scene between the Doctor staring at River, all handcuffed up, and the "All right" exchange with Donna.





	Echoes in the Library

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Much as i have hopes for Mr. Moffat, and loved Mr. Davies' tenure (up until he slaughtered Donna's character and future), i still feel the compulsive need to try to fix things... even though i haven't the slightest bit of hope and they don't belong to me at all.

He didn't know how long he had sat there, staring at the ginger haired stranger before him, before he came back to himself.  He was trying very hard not to care for this woman who knew so much about him, despite the fact that he had very apparently meant something to her.   _She had known his name_ :  that held weight and permanence of the type that he wasn't sure he could handle.  He wasn't ready to entertain thoughts of another love in his life:  to be perfectly honest, he had hardly gotten over Reinnette, Joan, or Rose, let alone come to terms with how much he was trying to ignore his burgeoning feelings for Donna.  Donna who merely wanted to be friends, who did not seem to notice his hints that he felt he was a good match for her (oh, how he sometimes hated his tendency to let comments accidentally slip through as he had at the party where they met Agatha).  He didn't want to feel this way, to care for one woman so much that he sometimes felt paralyzed with the fear of losing her, or that he would go mad with the pain if fear found fruition (he had the worst sort of luck).  Acting on his fear had been what caused Donna to be taken, to be "saved," and he would not quickly forget the paralyzing, all-encompassing pain that he had felt when he thought Donna was lost to him forever.  And now, paradoxically enough, he was feeling the same way about the woman that was sitting before him, who had taken the burden from him and saved everyone in the end.  No, he did not want to feel like this at all.  
  
And it was Donna that brought him back to himself, who guided him out of the numb place than he went to whenever something traumatic like this happened.  He slowly came back to her, to discover that her arms were wrapped around him, and she was whispering soft and sweetly into his ear.  He wonders what he missed.  
  
"Wake up, you big overprotective idiot," she urges him.  "It's no good for you to sit on the floor like this, you'll catch your death."  She shivered violently against him, then pulled back to look into his eyes, squeezing his arms tightly.  "It's so  _cold_ down here."  
  
"Has to be, to keep the core from overheating," he responded.  "Takes a lot of electricity to power a library."  He inhaled sharply, suddenly realizing that it would be a long time before he forgot what River smelled like--if he ever could--though he doubted that on their next meeting it would be mixed with the scent of books, and spacesuit, and dea...  He took his sonic screwdriver from Donna, released the handcuffs, left them hanging, and wrapped his arms around Donna tightly:  "It's good to see you!" he stated with a little too much enthusiasm in his voice.  Donna stiffened against him:  
  
"Can I stop being strong now?" she asked.  He let go of her, much as she had only moments earlier, held her by her shoulders, and found that she was trying not to cry.  
  
"What is it?  What happened?"  He pulled her back into his arms, lifting a hand to stroke the nape of her neck soothingly.  She burst into tears.  
  
"I don't know!" she wailed.  Sobs wracked her body, and he continued to make soothing noises, just as she had for him, rubbing her back tenderly.  Her scent overwhelmed him now, overpowered River's strongly floral aroma, and he suddenly realized that Donna smelled like vanilla--no, cookies--and apple juice.  It was very different from the berry that she usually smelled of, or the bubble gum of Rose, or the talcum powder of Joan.  It made something in his heart lurch uncomfortably.  
  
After a long moment, Donna pulled back and wiped at her cheeks ineffectually.  "It's like seven years of my life were scrunched into a few hours!"  He handed her handkerchief, then thrust his hands back into his pockets awkwardly.  "I fell in love, I got married... I had twins!  Only to find out that none of it was real."  
  
"Whoa, Donna, calm down, you got married?"  She shook her head and pressed on:  
  
"I was saved to this dream world, only everything felt so real, and yet... not.  I met Lee, and I don't know if he was real or not, but I want to find him.  Can we try to find him?"  
  
"Okay," he agreed.  He knelt to pick up the spare sonic screwdriver and journal, pocketing them, before taking her hand and leading the way back to the lift.  
  
  
  
He had scanned the faces of hundreds of anonymous individuals, looking for dark hair, and anyone who would answer to the name of Lee, or show recognition at the name of Donna Noble.  He was exhausted, and emotionally drained, and finally allowed himself to rest against a wall on the edge of a large room where many people were being teleported back home, too tired to ask any more, but still scanning the crowd absentmindedly.  
  
He felt a fool.  He had been fighting his feelings for Donna for a long time, and now that he finally felt that it was urgent enough for him to actually act on them (fear and loss had shocked him into a desire for action), Donna was definitely emotionally unavailable.  She had lost a husband and children, and had new memories amassing nearly a decade.  Did she even remember him clearly anymore?  Or was she like a stranger to him now?  Because the Donna he knew and lo...well, his Donna, certainly would have hit him and chewed him out for trying to teleport her to the Tardis, not held him like he was a child and smelled like a mum.  
  
He wished that they could have gone to the beach.  He wished that Donna was lying next to him in the sun, that she was smiling, that she was searching for him in the crowd, not for Lee.  But for some reason it was not meant to be, the universe was conspiring to take her from him, it seemed.  He could feel the cold seeping through his bones still, the undeniable sensation that something was still wrong, was about to get worse.  He wanted to be able to cling to Donna and ball like a baby and make love to her and forget the rest of the universe.  
  
If only he could be so carefree.  Still, he had promised her a relaxing vacation without any running, so now he would definitely have to take her somewhere to make up for this dark episode, though maybe somewhere a little less sunny so he wouldn't have to be tempted by the sight of Donna in a swimsuit.  She definitely wouldn't want to get any new freckles anyway.  
  
And then she was before him again, a look of despair on her face, and he longed to touch her, but couldn't.  
  
"Any luck?" he asked.  She moved to stand beside him, shook her head:  
  
"Wasn't even anyone called Lee in the Library that day," she responded, her voice defeated.  "I suppose he could of had a different name out here, but..." she sighed, "let's be honest:  he wasn't real, was he?"  
  
"Maybe not," he allowed, knowing that it wasn't what she wanted to hear but not able to find the strength to reassure her.  
  
"I made up the perfect man," she lamented softly.  "Gorgeous, adores me, and hardly ever speaks a word.  What's that say about me?"  
  
"Everything," he mumbled quickly, exhausted.  He suddenly realized that was the wrong answer, and that she was now glaring at him. It was a bit of a relief, actually, to need to backpedal:  "Sorry, did I say everything?  I meant 'nothing,' I was aiming for nothing.  I shouldn't have said everything, hm..."  
  
"What about you?" Donna asked, apparently deciding not to berate him for once.  "You all right?"  
  
"I'm always all right," he scoffed, lying through his teeth.  
  
"Is 'all right' special Time Lord code for:  'really not all right at all'?"  
  
"Why?" he asked, suddenly realizing that Donna saw straight through him.  That's how it was with them, she saw through his facades just as easily as he saw through hers.  
  
"Cos' I'm all right, too," she lied.  They regarded each other for a long moment, and he suddenly longed to kiss her, to lose himself in her touch and taste and scent.  He didn't know what to say, how to tell her that he didn't want her to have to feel his pain, or what to do, but keep running.  And so he tried to infuse his voice with less weight than what he was actually feeling:  
  
"Come on," he plucked her hand from her side, and suddenly realized that he would be all right for as long as they were together.  He hoped that would be forever but was afraid to find out if it wasn't true.  He didn't want to face that... but of course, Donna always knew how to stop him from doing something he would regret.  That's why he loved her.


End file.
